I don't remember what this post is about

But now it's a roundup of some interesting things I've read lately

Happy Wednesday! I had a post all picked out for today. It was going to be a cinch to write. I think it had something to do with writing itself, but also about much more than writing, because, you know, writing is a metaphor for life. It was insightful and new, but in a satisfyingly familiar way. It was the sort of post that would have changed your life and gone viral and gotten me 1,000 subscribers and a book deal and, I don’t know, the chance to hang out with Jason Isbell, because why not?

It was, in short, an amazing post. But when I sat down to write it this morning, I forgot what it was. Did I e-mail myself a note to help remember? Did I jot it down in one of my five (or six or seven) notebooks? Did I write a note on my phone? No, friends, I did not. And though the idea for the post was clearly in my mind this morning—I had already started playing with the title—now it’s gone.

I would say this a lesson to write things down and what-not, but let’s be honest. If I haven’t learned that lesson by this point, I never will. This is not my first post about things I’ve forgotten.

So instead, I offer you some links. Or at least, the ones I can remember.

My Honest Reality, by Mark Appel

My husband, Jeff, knew who Mark Appel was—the 1^st round pick in Major League Baseball in 2013 and now contemplating what he thinks will probably be his last year playing professional baseball. For those of you who aren’t sports fans, being the 1^st round pick is a big deal. It’s like being anointed. It means everyone believes you’re going to be amazing. It’s a lot of pressure.

After being the 1^st round pick, Appel has only pitched five games in the Bigs. Five games, friends, is not a lot. Five games is not what you expect from the anointed one. Five games is like winning the Pullitzer with your first novel and then being dropped by your publisher because your next book is so meh.

In his essay, Appel talks about how to deal with that reality. Anxiety or gratitude? It’s an honest and heartfelt piece of writing. And, of course, as a sports fan, you understand that athletes deal with failure. Baseball is all about failure. The best hitters are successful only four out of ten times at bat. The very most successful people don’t even hit the ball fifty percent of the time!

You know sports is about failing—a lot and often—and then picking yourself back up. It’s just nice to also hear about that from someone who isn’t the MVP or Super Bowl winner.

Meet Eddie, My Inner Capitalist, by Satya Robyn

Meet Eddie, My Inner Capitalist

One of the cool things about my recent newsletter swap with

Elizabeth Marro

over at

Spark

is meeting lots of new Substackers and writers and interesting people.

Satya Robyn

at

Going Gently

is one of those people and she wrote this week about her inner capitalist. His name is Eddie. He’s sort of a jerk. Aren’t all of our inner capitalists sort of jerks?

I loved this post for so many reasons. I love thinking about the idea of our inner capitalist. Of course capitalism as such a powerful, pervasive system in our lives becomes internalized as an aspect of our personality. Calling ourselves or other people ‘lazy’ is internalized capitalism. So is talking about our sweet, beautiful, unquantifiable lives in the language of “productivity.” We are humans. Our worth is about more than our productivity.

I like the way

Satya Robyn

both named her inner capitalist and then was very gentle with him. Yes, capitalism as a system sucks, but that’s no reason to hate ourselves—any part of ourselves. This lesson—to be gentle with all the parts of myself—is one I am eternally learning. Eternally trying to get better at.

When Left To My Own Devices, by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

When left to my own devices

Along a similar vein, I appreciated this honest post by

Katie Hawkins-Gaar

at

My Sweet Dumb Brain

about her struggles with putting down her phone. Regular readers will know this is also a constant struggle for me. In a good period, I can get my average time spent on my phone down to about fifty minutes. That’s a very good week. I hate how smartphones and social media have affected my attention.

Her post made me think of this interview with Johann Hari on The Ezra Klein Show. There’s some comfort from Hari’s book about attention (or lack thereof) in knowing that the problem is not me. That I have trouble paying attention isn’t a personal failing. The world is designed to make it very hard for me to focus on anything. That I’ve managed to sit here for the last thirty minutes writing this post is a minor miracle. Yay, me!

On the other hand, here I am, sending you links. Things to read, probably on your phone. Things I read on my phone. Ways of connecting with other people, going through the same struggles, all made possible by my phone, right? I don’t have the solutions, it’s just one of my recurring obsessions.

What have you read or listened to or see this week that was interesting or important or moving enough to pass along?

---

Thanks again and welcome to all the new subscribers, paid and free! I don’t put a lot of content behind a paywall, because I, too, am struggling with my inner capitalist (her name might be Rhonda). But I also deeply appreciate the extra support for my writing that comes with a paid subscription.

Local folks, I’m offering two writing classes in May! Both on memoir and the personal essay. The first is on May 2 and the next on May 16. Pick one or do both. Check out more details and buy tickets here. Spots are limited so get ‘em while you can!