Truth is a cozy blanket
And if my cat created a simulated version of reality, wouldn't the treats be more accessible?
Truth is so fucking complicated. It’s so exhausting and that’s assuming there’s something called truth out there in the first place. Or something called Truth. Or something called TRUTH!! You get the idea.
This week, I heard on a podcast that there are people like Elon Musk who believe that we’re living inside a simulation and I was like, yeah, duh. Of course we’re living inside a simulation. It’s called life. Have these people ever read any Buddhism or Hinduism or even, I don’t know, the Bible, for fuck’s sake? You know, “For now I see through a glass darkly,” which seems to me to be a verse hinting at the fact that this shit we’re living in isn’t exactly real. Yes, I know my Bible. I was raised Southern Baptist. I have all kinds of Bible verses rattling around inside my brain.
In Hinduism, the world is the realm of maya—illusion. As in, it’s not real. It’s the root of the word for magic and do with that what you will. I can’t remember the word in Buddhism for the fact that the whole world is fake and my husband isn’t here to ask, but I am 99% sure that there is nothing new about the idea that the world is a simulation.
Of course, techbros like Elon Musk believe that the simulation is all about them and, yes, that is a new wrinkle in the whole concept. According to this philosophy, they’re living in a simulation which someone created as a kind of cage match between “important historical figures.” Which means it behooves them to act like total asses. This is not the conclusion that every major religion that believes life is a simulation comes to, so kudos for that innovation, Elon!
In America, we like to say shit like, “The truth will set you free.” And yeah, I sort of believe that. The problem is that no one really much wants to be free. Free is scary as shit. Like, we think gravity is a drag until we’re bumping around in space and it’s fucking up our bones and we can’t drink water and then we’re like, “Hmm, gravity was kind of nice.”
Really in this country we treat the truth like a cozy blanket. We wrap ourselves up in it and pull it up over our eyes and whisper to ourselves, “Nothing to see out there, nothing to see out there.” Who doesn’t want some of that cozy blanket action?
I feel most truth-as-cozy-blanket-ish when I think about things as black and white. Mostly, this is how I think about people. Yes, I’m an asshole like that. It feels cozy as shit to believe that everyone else is fucked up and I’m the good guy. Or even to believe that everyone else is the good guy and I’m fucked up. Either way it feels pretty good. Fuzzy. Warm. Like a neat little cocoon. Fuck, yeah, I’d like to stay inside there forever. How awesome would that be? The alternative is that we are all fucked up to varying degrees and who wants to have to live with that complexity on a daily basis? Not me. No way.
My cat doesn’t worry about truth and she still looks pretty cozy. At least as far as I can tell. She does worry about when I will be giving her more treats and the answer to when she should have more treats is always now. Right this fucking moment.
Or maybe she does worry about truth. I also listened to a podcast this week about how sad the monkeys in the zoo are. Some of them are pretty sad. Others maybe not so much, but I also learned that elephants can murder people. Like murder as part of an intentional, devious plan. Elephants lying in wait, luring their trainers into complacency and then picking them up and smashing their heads in. So don’t piss off an elephant.
Maybe, though, my cat isn’t worried about treats, either. Maybe the simulation I’m living in was created by my cat. Why not? It makes as much sense as anything else, though surely in her simulation, she wouldn’t be so dependent on me for treats. Then again, maybe she’s playing the long game like an elephant and the treats are a brilliant (and successful) bit of misdirection. There’s really no way to know for sure.
Both podcasts mentioned are episodes of
and they were both full of all the weirdness and laughter and amazing story-telling you’d expect from him. Really, everything I love about podcasts here.
Great post. My dog, who writes the essays on my Substack, gave a knowing little nod when she was reading.
Hoo boy you are fired UP! Love it!