I recognized myself and my life in this, Robyn. My husband and I have worked and lived together for our entire relationship. Interesting things began to happen when the traveling slowed down and neither of us had our "alone time" in the house. He could care less about it. I crave it. But I also feel unsettled.
There is something about being alone in one's own house that both restores and shakes up my sense of self -- yes, there are the past selves that materialize but there is more. I feel as if I've lost some muscles I used to exercise when I was on my own and I think about that a lot as I face the future when one of us will almost certainly leave the other behind for a much longer period than three days.
Same, Betsy. Jeff could care less about being alone in the house. Isn't that interesting? I think gender has to be a part of it. Women find it so much more difficult to turn off that constant monitoring of our selves we do in the presence of others. I think men are less likely to feel that.
But, yes, at some point, one of us will be alone again and given our age difference, it's more likely to be me. And that makes me a little uneasy.
I so resonated with this post--except I literally never lived alone in my life until covid hit (as I turned 70) and my husband went to help out our daughter and grandkids for 5 months. And I was indeed briefly giddy, watched way too much HGTV, but really enjoyed our long daily phone calls.
But must of my adult life (started living with my husband at age 19), my husband and I were on academic schedules (studying or working) which meant we usually had 3-4 days when we were both at home. And this meant the only alone time before our daughter left home for me was a convention. where I often went to few panels and spent most of the 2-3 days up in my room, gloriously alone. After our daughter left home, (and i was no longer going to conventions) alone time was when my husband traveled for work, and my experience was the duplicate of yours. Giddy, eating and watching tv that I might not do if there was a witness! and then missing him and looking forward to his return. Now going on 10 years when we are both retired, and especially since Covid, and our traveling days being over, we are together 24-7, 7 days a week, except when one of us is out walking (which we don't do together.) That is why that 5 months he was gone was important to me. First, it made me confident I could live alone if I was widowed--something as you age you worry about, although it is much more likely that I will die before my husband. Second, It also reminded me that I really don't prefer living alone but was anxious for my husband to come back. Third, I also learn a little about what ways I had compromised because of living with someone for over 50 years by what I did differently when I didn't have another person to think about. Turns out, not much, but I did move certain things in the kitchen to make it easier to reach them...and bravely insisted that we keep that arrangement when he returned (smile.) Again, thanks for the fun, thoughtful post, certainly sent me down memory lane as well.
Wow, 5 months is a long time! I might re-arrange some things, too! I always tell myself there are things I would change if I lived alone--how we store the glasses in the cupboard and what sits on the counter in the kitchen (we both have lots of ideas about how the kitchen should be). But in reality, I don't care about it that much. Thanks for reading and commenting!
For us as well it is definitely the kitchen where our ideas differ! I think for my husband and I it is simply over the years we have each staked out particular places in the rest of home where each of us get to organize or not organize without the other interfering. But the kitchen is the main common room that one person's decision to put a pot in a particular drawer can confuse the other, or where one person's large expresso machine (his) can take up space where ideally the canisters of tea (mine) could go!
Our conversations (and debates) about where things go in the kitchen is as long as our marriage. Longer, actually, as it started when we moved in together, before we got married. Also, every year or so, my husband decides a cabinet or drawer should be re-organized. I must love him a lot.
Hehe, so much resonance with this piece! It's different being home alone even though I'm not restricted on any way by Kaspa when they're here. I'm sure they'd say the same! Enjoy your Cheetos etc (& good luck with the cats not dobbing you in 😬)
I recognized myself and my life in this, Robyn. My husband and I have worked and lived together for our entire relationship. Interesting things began to happen when the traveling slowed down and neither of us had our "alone time" in the house. He could care less about it. I crave it. But I also feel unsettled.
There is something about being alone in one's own house that both restores and shakes up my sense of self -- yes, there are the past selves that materialize but there is more. I feel as if I've lost some muscles I used to exercise when I was on my own and I think about that a lot as I face the future when one of us will almost certainly leave the other behind for a much longer period than three days.
Same, Betsy. Jeff could care less about being alone in the house. Isn't that interesting? I think gender has to be a part of it. Women find it so much more difficult to turn off that constant monitoring of our selves we do in the presence of others. I think men are less likely to feel that.
But, yes, at some point, one of us will be alone again and given our age difference, it's more likely to be me. And that makes me a little uneasy.
I so resonated with this post--except I literally never lived alone in my life until covid hit (as I turned 70) and my husband went to help out our daughter and grandkids for 5 months. And I was indeed briefly giddy, watched way too much HGTV, but really enjoyed our long daily phone calls.
But must of my adult life (started living with my husband at age 19), my husband and I were on academic schedules (studying or working) which meant we usually had 3-4 days when we were both at home. And this meant the only alone time before our daughter left home for me was a convention. where I often went to few panels and spent most of the 2-3 days up in my room, gloriously alone. After our daughter left home, (and i was no longer going to conventions) alone time was when my husband traveled for work, and my experience was the duplicate of yours. Giddy, eating and watching tv that I might not do if there was a witness! and then missing him and looking forward to his return. Now going on 10 years when we are both retired, and especially since Covid, and our traveling days being over, we are together 24-7, 7 days a week, except when one of us is out walking (which we don't do together.) That is why that 5 months he was gone was important to me. First, it made me confident I could live alone if I was widowed--something as you age you worry about, although it is much more likely that I will die before my husband. Second, It also reminded me that I really don't prefer living alone but was anxious for my husband to come back. Third, I also learn a little about what ways I had compromised because of living with someone for over 50 years by what I did differently when I didn't have another person to think about. Turns out, not much, but I did move certain things in the kitchen to make it easier to reach them...and bravely insisted that we keep that arrangement when he returned (smile.) Again, thanks for the fun, thoughtful post, certainly sent me down memory lane as well.
Wow, 5 months is a long time! I might re-arrange some things, too! I always tell myself there are things I would change if I lived alone--how we store the glasses in the cupboard and what sits on the counter in the kitchen (we both have lots of ideas about how the kitchen should be). But in reality, I don't care about it that much. Thanks for reading and commenting!
For us as well it is definitely the kitchen where our ideas differ! I think for my husband and I it is simply over the years we have each staked out particular places in the rest of home where each of us get to organize or not organize without the other interfering. But the kitchen is the main common room that one person's decision to put a pot in a particular drawer can confuse the other, or where one person's large expresso machine (his) can take up space where ideally the canisters of tea (mine) could go!
Our conversations (and debates) about where things go in the kitchen is as long as our marriage. Longer, actually, as it started when we moved in together, before we got married. Also, every year or so, my husband decides a cabinet or drawer should be re-organized. I must love him a lot.
Hurray for alone time! And hurray for witchcraft! I hope you enjoy both immensely. 🤗
Thanks, Jenna. I was very pleased with my ritual and at the end, a butterfly appeared, which seems like a good thing.
Hehe, so much resonance with this piece! It's different being home alone even though I'm not restricted on any way by Kaspa when they're here. I'm sure they'd say the same! Enjoy your Cheetos etc (& good luck with the cats not dobbing you in 😬)
PS finally started your book & loving it 💖
Thanks! That's so lovely to hear.
There is a spaciousness in having the house to yourself. And now very glad he's back home.