As a weekly reader, I think I'm more interested in other thoughts in your head than your subscriber count. Maybe because I'm already counted and why should I care about others.
Awww, thanks for mentioning me! My theory is the obsessive behavior comes from feeling anxious or unsettled, but then perpetuates it. I have the ones I struggle with too! I’m using an app called ClearSpace now to keep me from obsessively checking certain apps and email! Wish I could use it with Teams at work…
You're welcome! Yes, I have just enough awareness to know that I check all those things when I'm feeling anxious or out of sorts, but not quite enough awareness much of the time to stop myself. I have to check out this ClearSpace. Thankfully as an academic, I have avoided the horror show that is Microsoft Teams.
Absolutely love this. And love the footnote! You’re so right it is a Carny game! The other day I posted my first short on YouTube and got 4k views. And since then not a single short has even come close to that number. That number gave me some kind of hit that I was desperately trying to experience again until I realised “hang on why am I doing this?” I think there’s something in the ether at the moment as I’ve read similar sentiments the last couple of days 🥰
Yes, it's such a dopamine hit that you then try to recapture, AND then blame yourself when you don't get the same results when really, the algorithm is totally out of your control. Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is such a great, true post. Thank you, Robyn. I used to have all of those same expectations about how life would be once I got that book deal, that follower, that mention. And I realised it wasn't ever going to make any difference as my happiness and self-worth didn't depend on any of those things. And that none of it matters. So I now spend lots of time looking at other things than stats - the birds in the garden, the clouds scudding across the sky.
I don't check to see how many people read a post after I send it. I had a new book out recently and, unlike when the last two were published, I haven't been looking to see my Amazon rankings and reviews. I have adopted the advice from the Tao Te Ching about all of my writing: “He who clings to his work will create nothing that endures. If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go.” The only thing I want for my writing now is to do the best I can before I let it go.
So beautiful, Amanda. Thanks for sharing. I love that quote from the Tao the Ching. Yes, yes, yes to doing the best we can and then letting it go. Working towards that, but it's definitely one of those life-long projects. Thanks for reading and sharing.
Yes, the high is such a great high. Like, "Wow! Look at me! I'm killing it!" And then when the numbers go down, "Wait, what did I do wrong?" But I'm not sure there's any sense in attributing the numbers to what you're doing right or wrong. I think the numbers aren't particularly good feedback and definitely are going to drive me crazy, so best for me just to ignore them.
Thanks, Amy. I feel a little ridiculous about it and I wish Substack would change the dashboard, but I don't think that's going to happen. I also squint my eyes a little bit, which does nothing but help remind me that there's something I don't want to see.
I love this and really appreciate and agree with what you're saying here. I just discovered your Substack through a random search today and I am already enjoying it immensely. And I remember the feeling after I had defended my PhD. And after I got promoted and after I moved countries and on and on. No real difference...
Oh, so glad you found me, Liza! Glad you’re liking the newsletter.
Getting my Ph.D. was such a blur I have no memory of it now. I was already worried about my new job so I took not one single moment to enjoy it. Trying to do better at that now. When I retire, you better believe I’ll be savoring the hell out of that moment!
As a weekly reader, I think I'm more interested in other thoughts in your head than your subscriber count. Maybe because I'm already counted and why should I care about others.
Exactly, Sandy! Clearing the space out to think about all the other weird things, which, really, are much more interesting than a subscriber count.
Interesting read on expectations.
Thanks so much.
I love you.
Clearly, that's all that matters.
Awww, thanks for mentioning me! My theory is the obsessive behavior comes from feeling anxious or unsettled, but then perpetuates it. I have the ones I struggle with too! I’m using an app called ClearSpace now to keep me from obsessively checking certain apps and email! Wish I could use it with Teams at work…
You're welcome! Yes, I have just enough awareness to know that I check all those things when I'm feeling anxious or out of sorts, but not quite enough awareness much of the time to stop myself. I have to check out this ClearSpace. Thankfully as an academic, I have avoided the horror show that is Microsoft Teams.
Absolutely love this. And love the footnote! You’re so right it is a Carny game! The other day I posted my first short on YouTube and got 4k views. And since then not a single short has even come close to that number. That number gave me some kind of hit that I was desperately trying to experience again until I realised “hang on why am I doing this?” I think there’s something in the ether at the moment as I’ve read similar sentiments the last couple of days 🥰
Yes, it's such a dopamine hit that you then try to recapture, AND then blame yourself when you don't get the same results when really, the algorithm is totally out of your control. Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is such a great, true post. Thank you, Robyn. I used to have all of those same expectations about how life would be once I got that book deal, that follower, that mention. And I realised it wasn't ever going to make any difference as my happiness and self-worth didn't depend on any of those things. And that none of it matters. So I now spend lots of time looking at other things than stats - the birds in the garden, the clouds scudding across the sky.
I don't check to see how many people read a post after I send it. I had a new book out recently and, unlike when the last two were published, I haven't been looking to see my Amazon rankings and reviews. I have adopted the advice from the Tao Te Ching about all of my writing: “He who clings to his work will create nothing that endures. If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go.” The only thing I want for my writing now is to do the best I can before I let it go.
So beautiful, Amanda. Thanks for sharing. I love that quote from the Tao the Ching. Yes, yes, yes to doing the best we can and then letting it go. Working towards that, but it's definitely one of those life-long projects. Thanks for reading and sharing.
It’s an ongoing practice, definitely. Monkey mind moments always come along though! 🐒 But I’m now so much better at not following that chatter.
Oh, the monkey mind. All too familiar.
Its incredible that some numbers can give you so high dopamine kick. Its kind of ridiculous when I think about it.
I think I need to stop checking those subs numbers too. Its so depressing when it get lower.😩 Better to spend happy thought on something more fun !
Yes, the high is such a great high. Like, "Wow! Look at me! I'm killing it!" And then when the numbers go down, "Wait, what did I do wrong?" But I'm not sure there's any sense in attributing the numbers to what you're doing right or wrong. I think the numbers aren't particularly good feedback and definitely are going to drive me crazy, so best for me just to ignore them.
I totally know that “hold your hand up to block the number” move. I do it, too. Really understand where you are coming from here.
Thanks, Amy. I feel a little ridiculous about it and I wish Substack would change the dashboard, but I don't think that's going to happen. I also squint my eyes a little bit, which does nothing but help remind me that there's something I don't want to see.
I love this and really appreciate and agree with what you're saying here. I just discovered your Substack through a random search today and I am already enjoying it immensely. And I remember the feeling after I had defended my PhD. And after I got promoted and after I moved countries and on and on. No real difference...
Oh, so glad you found me, Liza! Glad you’re liking the newsletter.
Getting my Ph.D. was such a blur I have no memory of it now. I was already worried about my new job so I took not one single moment to enjoy it. Trying to do better at that now. When I retire, you better believe I’ll be savoring the hell out of that moment!