Awesome, Laura. You're in the path of the totality, then? I think we're at 99% here and I just can't see how much difference 1% will make, but maybe I'm wrong.
I don't think it will make much difference either. It's still going to be pitch black ... I am almost in the totality of it. I'm not someone who was going to travel though the extra 300 miles for it to be totally eclipsed. But yeah, I remember the other eclipses over the course of my life including the one when I was in 5th grade. Back then I was worried by it... had such anxiety. Guess I have a little now as well. Studying the natural world right now. Seeing their prep for it etc.
Robyn! This is such a great piece and we are very very similar! I cannot stay in holiday homes with other people. I don’t really like to have people to stay at mine. I struggle to be around lots of people for a long time. All of way you say here chimes with me so much. Some friends say I’m an empath and I usually shrug it off cos of what you say about being cranky and not soft and floaty! But wow, you’ve helped me see something here. Thank you!
Oh, that is wonderful, Penny! Now we have two members of the Cranky Empaths Club!
Yes, we have a tiny house with a bedroom up a set of stairs that are almost impossible to navigate, which mostly prevents us from hosting houseguests, but that, too, is a nightmare.
I'm not sure if empaths are actually very good at feeling their own shit. In fact, I think they suck at it because they're always all wrapped un in other people's shit.
Yes, thank goodness there are now some fat women on Star Trek. Maybe also that's what I didn't like about Deanna Troi. Her body suit was so tight. She was all boobs.
I love cranky people. If you're not cranky at least sometimes, what is the matter with you, even?
Are you watching the eclipse at Eleutherian with Ann and her pecan sandies?
Yes. It was actually very neat. Would have enjoyed pecan sandies but David had black/white cookies and cocoa safari truffles all served on China! I would have seen from side yard but Elutherian(sp?) was great place to view!
I can see where people would develop different coping mechanisms for the overwhelm. I think in my family, I didn't have the option of withdrawing or isolating, so I just got cranky.
My daughter suffers from depression, and withdraws from all but necessary interactions with others. We live together, so I see close up every day how being an empath affects her. It sounds like being cranky could be helpful! Thank you for writing about this.
I am not cranky because I shut down when overwhelmed. I learned I was an empath when I was 53. I was released from everyone I knew complaining I was too sensitive. Now I say, thank you for noticing I am empathetic. 🦕
I love it, Wendy! Being sensitive is on the list of characteristics of an empath, as well. Funny, I think when people accuse someone of being "too sensitive," they're most saying, "Your emotions annoy me." Which...rude. I love your response!
Groups used to bother me because invariably there was always one person there who had shitty, aggressive energy. Absorbing that energy used to make me short tempered, not to mention, sore - it physically hurts to be near that kind of toxicity. Maybe that's why some of us get grumpy? Or are perceived as being grumpy? It might just be our way of trying to block that horrid energy and get away from something that we intuitively perceive to be unhealthy
That's a good point, Loretta. It does feel like in any given social interaction, there's always someone with an agenda they're relentlessly pushing. And it is almost physically painful to be around someone like that. Who wouldn't get grumpy?
One of the frustrating things for me is when other people don't see that, too. Their sense of the interaction is totally different and I want to say, "Were we even in the same room?"
Wow this explains so much about some people I love!! I’m also empathic (the sight or even idea of a child or animal suffering…unbearable). But I generally like being around people all cozy and in the same house, while some of my favorite people, like you, do not!
I think being all cozy for short periods of time is okay. But a week straight is too much. I was thinking this morning, I might have had more tolerance for togetherness when I was younger. So maybe it's also just running out of fucks to give.
I really enjoy spending time with people. I need that interaction, but it just can also be quite exhausting.
This is totally me - I relate to all of this especially the cranky part! Except there is no way in hell I'd be staying in a house with five other people as I have learned how much downtime I need in between social interaction.
Like you say, it's not just what's being said, it's what's not being said and, at the risk of sounding woo woo, the energy of the people involved which I can pick up on instantly. Massively tiring. I think what would help (a wise woman once advised me) is just dialling back my own energy and efforts and being quieter in company. I'm getting there with that but as a fixer, my default is engaging and yes, problem solving the unspoken. Also, I'm an introvert but a chatterbox, an introverted gobshite, so being quiet isn't really my thing, unless alone.
Some people get energy from social interaction. Some get drained by it. Not much we can do about that. These days I know I have three hours max (more if drunk but then I'm really just borrowing next week's energy) and I make the most of it, seeing the people I love. It's enough.
I do not have pets but I love animals and am far too friendly with strangers' dogs in the park 🤣 and will instantly cry at the fate of an animal I've never met.
Have you read about HSPs? It's interesting and explains that it's a nervous system situation not a choice! https://hsperson.com
Thanks for sharing that link about HSP! Yeah, that might be me. "Do you have a rich and complex inner life?" Lol. Yes. There's a lot going on inside my head at any given moment, hence the name of this newsletter--You Think Too Much.
You described it exactly--it's not what's being said, but what's not being said. I don' think there's anything woo about that. Of course that creates this energy that is sometimes so exhausting. Especially when what's not being said is about negative emotions which, let's be honest, it almost always is.
"Introverted gobshite"! I love it!
I like that you've figured out your exact time limit before social interaction becomes draining. That's a very good insight.
Yes! Thank you for this piece, so relatable and put the words to how I feel. Maybe there is different categories of empaths? I am definitely one….a people pleaser, cannot read about or watch animals suffer, get extremely angry about human suffering, and also am cranky. You showed me other things about myself with this piece 🧡
Thanks so much, Alycia. I did find there are emotional empaths (which I would consider myself). Physical empaths, who can sense physical pain. I think my massage therapist/cranio-sacral therapist friend is one of those. And then intuitive empaths, who are more like Deanna Troi, I guess? That part was unclear.
I do think that the reaction to being an empath is probably very different and depends on what coping mechanisms are available to you.
I completely agree about Data and TNG. I grew up in Asheville, so I LOVE it in those mountains, but I can't imagine not being able to be on my own for an entire week. I would take a lot of hikes. The eclipse was excellent!
I kinda despise the term empath...like bipolar, it gets thrown around a lot. However, I enjoyed this piece and I probably fall into the category of an empath. I could relate to your struggles of being overloaded with people time...I need time alone to recharge. Yet, there's a sense of guilt about my own needs. Writing and reading time are good excuses, but like you, I still wonder..."Is there something wrong with me?"
Yeah, I wish there were a different word. 'Empath' feels, I don't know, too close to 'empathy.' And maybe too woo-woo? I don't know why the word itself feels so scratchy and uncomfortable, but I agree with you that it does.
I'm trying to be better about not feeling guilty about what I need. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just different in the way we're all different from each other. It's okay to just take some time alone. In some ways, it's the generous thing to do because it allows me to be with people without becoming overwhelmed and then cranky. I'm a better version of myself when I do take care of my own needs, you know?
I was able to relate to this piece and I have always wondered why I was so cranky and I additionally also have issues with unannounced and unplanned visits , it makes me anxious and crazy most times, I don’t know what I am but I try to work around my issues by planning and preparing myself mentally and like you said take a walk or go to a coffee shop just to clear my mind🤗 fantastic piece thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Priya! Yes, I like to know what's happening and what the plan is and when the plan suddenly changes, that is NOT COOL. I think all that's because I need to emotionally and psychologically prepare.
Yes! I struggle with unannounced and unplanned visits too! And I really hate the question, “ what are you doing on (fill in the blank)?” tell me why you’re asking and I’ll tell you whether I’m free or not but don’t just ask if I’m free and then assume the time is yours.
Oh, that is such a loaded and sort of aggressive question, isn't it? I think if I ask that question, it's always followed with, "Would it be okay..." or "Would you like to..." Make no assumptions!
1. Yes, but I really do love your description. 3. Well, lol, Deanna Troi. But also Picard. 4. Sometimes. Especially when tired or overwhelmed. I am easily overwhelmed, especially around other humans. I’m only just starting to learn ways to protect my own energy better, release the energy that’s not mine more easily, and honor my own need for space as key elements to my health.
A lot makes sense here!! 😅 I call it getting "peopled out" and it's because I can read all the undercurrents and emotions in the room. It's exhausting! Oh and I would absolutely drive to the grocery store to make dinner because I want EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY! But I'm learning! Pretty sure I've let a few people down this last year and somehow we've all survived!
I love that expression--"peopled out." Totally stealing that. And, yes, the added burden of feeling like it's my job to make everyone happy (which my therapist has explained is both misguided and impossible) is extra exhausting.
Yes, I'm an empath. I don't care what people think of the insane amounts I adore my pets and yes I will see the eclipse with my trusty glasses today!
Awesome, Laura. You're in the path of the totality, then? I think we're at 99% here and I just can't see how much difference 1% will make, but maybe I'm wrong.
I don't think it will make much difference either. It's still going to be pitch black ... I am almost in the totality of it. I'm not someone who was going to travel though the extra 300 miles for it to be totally eclipsed. But yeah, I remember the other eclipses over the course of my life including the one when I was in 5th grade. Back then I was worried by it... had such anxiety. Guess I have a little now as well. Studying the natural world right now. Seeing their prep for it etc.
Robyn! This is such a great piece and we are very very similar! I cannot stay in holiday homes with other people. I don’t really like to have people to stay at mine. I struggle to be around lots of people for a long time. All of way you say here chimes with me so much. Some friends say I’m an empath and I usually shrug it off cos of what you say about being cranky and not soft and floaty! But wow, you’ve helped me see something here. Thank you!
Oh, that is wonderful, Penny! Now we have two members of the Cranky Empaths Club!
Yes, we have a tiny house with a bedroom up a set of stairs that are almost impossible to navigate, which mostly prevents us from hosting houseguests, but that, too, is a nightmare.
Once other people are in my space it’s like I can’t keep them out of my energy field either. I moved into a very small house and this is one reason.
Our house is also very small with very difficult to navigate steps and I am quite happy with that.
1. Sometimes. Wish I could feel my own shit better
2.no
3. Envious of the bodies of all those women who could look great in those tight body suits
4. Always cranky and not okay with it.
5 yes watching eclipse but would have missed it without others encourgement
I'm not sure if empaths are actually very good at feeling their own shit. In fact, I think they suck at it because they're always all wrapped un in other people's shit.
Yes, thank goodness there are now some fat women on Star Trek. Maybe also that's what I didn't like about Deanna Troi. Her body suit was so tight. She was all boobs.
I love cranky people. If you're not cranky at least sometimes, what is the matter with you, even?
Are you watching the eclipse at Eleutherian with Ann and her pecan sandies?
Yes. It was actually very neat. Would have enjoyed pecan sandies but David had black/white cookies and cocoa safari truffles all served on China! I would have seen from side yard but Elutherian(sp?) was great place to view!
Very fancy!
Agreed!!
Dang. Who knew we were long-lost sisters!
I think I could kind of tell from your essay in Playing Authors!
My daughter is an empath. Not cranky, but easily overwhelmed. She fits your description well.
I can see where people would develop different coping mechanisms for the overwhelm. I think in my family, I didn't have the option of withdrawing or isolating, so I just got cranky.
My daughter suffers from depression, and withdraws from all but necessary interactions with others. We live together, so I see close up every day how being an empath affects her. It sounds like being cranky could be helpful! Thank you for writing about this.
Thanks for the comments and the insights, Sandra. That must be hard to watch your daughter struggle. Sending all my good energy your way.
I am not cranky because I shut down when overwhelmed. I learned I was an empath when I was 53. I was released from everyone I knew complaining I was too sensitive. Now I say, thank you for noticing I am empathetic. 🦕
I love it, Wendy! Being sensitive is on the list of characteristics of an empath, as well. Funny, I think when people accuse someone of being "too sensitive," they're most saying, "Your emotions annoy me." Which...rude. I love your response!
I hope it helps.
Groups used to bother me because invariably there was always one person there who had shitty, aggressive energy. Absorbing that energy used to make me short tempered, not to mention, sore - it physically hurts to be near that kind of toxicity. Maybe that's why some of us get grumpy? Or are perceived as being grumpy? It might just be our way of trying to block that horrid energy and get away from something that we intuitively perceive to be unhealthy
That's a good point, Loretta. It does feel like in any given social interaction, there's always someone with an agenda they're relentlessly pushing. And it is almost physically painful to be around someone like that. Who wouldn't get grumpy?
One of the frustrating things for me is when other people don't see that, too. Their sense of the interaction is totally different and I want to say, "Were we even in the same room?"
Wow this explains so much about some people I love!! I’m also empathic (the sight or even idea of a child or animal suffering…unbearable). But I generally like being around people all cozy and in the same house, while some of my favorite people, like you, do not!
I think being all cozy for short periods of time is okay. But a week straight is too much. I was thinking this morning, I might have had more tolerance for togetherness when I was younger. So maybe it's also just running out of fucks to give.
I really enjoy spending time with people. I need that interaction, but it just can also be quite exhausting.
This is totally me - I relate to all of this especially the cranky part! Except there is no way in hell I'd be staying in a house with five other people as I have learned how much downtime I need in between social interaction.
Like you say, it's not just what's being said, it's what's not being said and, at the risk of sounding woo woo, the energy of the people involved which I can pick up on instantly. Massively tiring. I think what would help (a wise woman once advised me) is just dialling back my own energy and efforts and being quieter in company. I'm getting there with that but as a fixer, my default is engaging and yes, problem solving the unspoken. Also, I'm an introvert but a chatterbox, an introverted gobshite, so being quiet isn't really my thing, unless alone.
Some people get energy from social interaction. Some get drained by it. Not much we can do about that. These days I know I have three hours max (more if drunk but then I'm really just borrowing next week's energy) and I make the most of it, seeing the people I love. It's enough.
I do not have pets but I love animals and am far too friendly with strangers' dogs in the park 🤣 and will instantly cry at the fate of an animal I've never met.
Have you read about HSPs? It's interesting and explains that it's a nervous system situation not a choice! https://hsperson.com
Thanks for sharing that link about HSP! Yeah, that might be me. "Do you have a rich and complex inner life?" Lol. Yes. There's a lot going on inside my head at any given moment, hence the name of this newsletter--You Think Too Much.
You described it exactly--it's not what's being said, but what's not being said. I don' think there's anything woo about that. Of course that creates this energy that is sometimes so exhausting. Especially when what's not being said is about negative emotions which, let's be honest, it almost always is.
"Introverted gobshite"! I love it!
I like that you've figured out your exact time limit before social interaction becomes draining. That's a very good insight.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Julie Bjelland is another good resource on HSPs. I found some of her work helpful this past year. https://www.juliebjelland.com/hsp-course-brain-training
Cool! Thanks!
Yes! Thank you for this piece, so relatable and put the words to how I feel. Maybe there is different categories of empaths? I am definitely one….a people pleaser, cannot read about or watch animals suffer, get extremely angry about human suffering, and also am cranky. You showed me other things about myself with this piece 🧡
Thanks so much, Alycia. I did find there are emotional empaths (which I would consider myself). Physical empaths, who can sense physical pain. I think my massage therapist/cranio-sacral therapist friend is one of those. And then intuitive empaths, who are more like Deanna Troi, I guess? That part was unclear.
I do think that the reaction to being an empath is probably very different and depends on what coping mechanisms are available to you.
Glad you enjoyed the essay?
I completely agree about Data and TNG. I grew up in Asheville, so I LOVE it in those mountains, but I can't imagine not being able to be on my own for an entire week. I would take a lot of hikes. The eclipse was excellent!
Data rules! Also, he was a cat lover, which is always a plus.
I love Asheville so much. Always stop by when we're in that part of the world. A hike is such a good idea.
I loved John's eclipse photos!
Thanks so much for sharing, Robyn!
You're welcome! I'm enjoying The Year of Living Danishly so much!
I kinda despise the term empath...like bipolar, it gets thrown around a lot. However, I enjoyed this piece and I probably fall into the category of an empath. I could relate to your struggles of being overloaded with people time...I need time alone to recharge. Yet, there's a sense of guilt about my own needs. Writing and reading time are good excuses, but like you, I still wonder..."Is there something wrong with me?"
Yeah, I wish there were a different word. 'Empath' feels, I don't know, too close to 'empathy.' And maybe too woo-woo? I don't know why the word itself feels so scratchy and uncomfortable, but I agree with you that it does.
I'm trying to be better about not feeling guilty about what I need. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just different in the way we're all different from each other. It's okay to just take some time alone. In some ways, it's the generous thing to do because it allows me to be with people without becoming overwhelmed and then cranky. I'm a better version of myself when I do take care of my own needs, you know?
Robyn, I absolutely agree! Not completely sure why guilt seems to surface, but I'm also getting better about letting go of that.
I was able to relate to this piece and I have always wondered why I was so cranky and I additionally also have issues with unannounced and unplanned visits , it makes me anxious and crazy most times, I don’t know what I am but I try to work around my issues by planning and preparing myself mentally and like you said take a walk or go to a coffee shop just to clear my mind🤗 fantastic piece thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Priya! Yes, I like to know what's happening and what the plan is and when the plan suddenly changes, that is NOT COOL. I think all that's because I need to emotionally and psychologically prepare.
Yes! I struggle with unannounced and unplanned visits too! And I really hate the question, “ what are you doing on (fill in the blank)?” tell me why you’re asking and I’ll tell you whether I’m free or not but don’t just ask if I’m free and then assume the time is yours.
Oh, that is such a loaded and sort of aggressive question, isn't it? I think if I ask that question, it's always followed with, "Would it be okay..." or "Would you like to..." Make no assumptions!
1. Yes, but I really do love your description. 3. Well, lol, Deanna Troi. But also Picard. 4. Sometimes. Especially when tired or overwhelmed. I am easily overwhelmed, especially around other humans. I’m only just starting to learn ways to protect my own energy better, release the energy that’s not mine more easily, and honor my own need for space as key elements to my health.
Also, I think being a chronic people pleaser is an empathic trait. If I can keep everybody happy, I don’t have to feel that shit.
That is true, only, really no way to keep everybody happy.
Those are important things to figure out, Karen! Sometimes I wish I would've figured a lot of this out earlier, but better late than never.
A lot makes sense here!! 😅 I call it getting "peopled out" and it's because I can read all the undercurrents and emotions in the room. It's exhausting! Oh and I would absolutely drive to the grocery store to make dinner because I want EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY! But I'm learning! Pretty sure I've let a few people down this last year and somehow we've all survived!
I love that expression--"peopled out." Totally stealing that. And, yes, the added burden of feeling like it's my job to make everyone happy (which my therapist has explained is both misguided and impossible) is extra exhausting.