One of the disability-related accommodations that flip out some faculty the most is extended time on accommodations.
You should see the looks I get when I suggest that timed exams might be an antiquated way of testing.
The only situations I can think of off the top of my head that require quick thinking are ER docs figuring out how to save someone; bomb squad guys trying to disarm explosive devices; how to land the plane…
There’s a ground-in desire to rank people and speed seems to be an “easy” way to do that.
Timed exams! So stupid! And at my college, the professors seem to design them so that most students cannot actually complete them in the time assigned. So then they stay late finishing the exam, which would be fine, except they miss their next class. This occurs with greater frequency in the hard sciences, of course, where they believe one of their jobs is to weed out the weak.
Yes, so weird how we worship at the altar of speed.
We did an online DEI training thing last year and the moderators suggested that the “weeding out” that happens in bio and chem classes is really just gatekeeping. They’re not weeding out the kids who aren’t smart or capable enough to be doctors. They’re just reproducing existing inequalities along lines of gender, social class, race and ability.
Too many people had their cameras off, but I wish I could have seen the faces of some of our faculty. I wonder if that penetrated at all into their thinking about what they do and how they teach.
Oof. I felt an ache in my chest as I read your inner monologue. You don't deserve to be treated like that! Nobody does! But my inner monologue is often very similar. May we all start practicing more self-compassion and be able to feel safe with ourselves.
PS I'm sure the cat is disgusted... That you could find something else more important than the cat!
Yes, my inner voice is an asshole. I’m working on it. Trying to see some humor in it when I can hear the weird shit I say to myself. Once I was signing books, like a book I had written, and I was signing it for people who wanted to buy it. Big moment!
My inner voice said, “You have the world’s stupidest signature.” I did laugh out loud at that, it was so out there. And clearly my inner voice trying to take me down a notch or two, lest I actually feel good about something I’ve accomplished.
I enjoyed your essay for its transparency, vulnerability, relatability and excellent writing. Here’s my favorite line: “Yes, you might say, my body keeps the score.” Brilliant on many levels. Thank you.
Thanks so much, Ryan. I meant to share a link on that line, as it’s the title of the amazing book by Bessel van der Kolk, which is about just that—how trauma lives in our bodies.
I appreciated the subtle nod to the book, Robyn. Subtlety is one of my favorite things in life. I assumed you alluded to the fact that millions of us had read it. Anyway, I thought the wording was brilliant.
When I was writing my divorce memoir, over ten years ago now, I had all these thoughts taking up residence in my mind. All of them. Pouncing around like a bunch of unruly puppies at Puppy Bowl. Some of them like to sit in a corner and whine, while others like to grab a squeaker and run loudly while squeaking it over and over again. Yet others like to growl and snarl and snap at each other.
Back then, while writing that memoir, I struggled trying to herd those darn puppies and get them under control. That didn't work so well. So then I just started writing about what each of them was saying and doing, and page after page, they came together into a message. When I finally submitted the last draft for publication I thought that it was some of the absolute best writing I have ever don in my life.
Now, I look back at that book and think...damn...most of this is crap. with a few gems in there.
what it was, was raw, honest, genuine, authentic, and emotionally healing for me. That's what matters. I may never read it again. why would I?
Since then, I've come to find ways to watch the thoughts in my mind like I'm watching Puppy Bowl and choose to enjoy them more than I would the actual football Superbowl game that causes actual injuries.
Sometimes, like the cat, your inner judge is asleep.
It makes progress a little easier then.
Those are the best moments. When the cat and my inner judge are both asleep.
Exactly. When the body says No.
I have a question for you: what are the benefits of living to 100? I'm 8/10th of the way there, and wondering what I have to look forward to.
This is a great question, Sandra! I am thinking on it. Stay tuned.
One of the disability-related accommodations that flip out some faculty the most is extended time on accommodations.
You should see the looks I get when I suggest that timed exams might be an antiquated way of testing.
The only situations I can think of off the top of my head that require quick thinking are ER docs figuring out how to save someone; bomb squad guys trying to disarm explosive devices; how to land the plane…
There’s a ground-in desire to rank people and speed seems to be an “easy” way to do that.
Timed exams! So stupid! And at my college, the professors seem to design them so that most students cannot actually complete them in the time assigned. So then they stay late finishing the exam, which would be fine, except they miss their next class. This occurs with greater frequency in the hard sciences, of course, where they believe one of their jobs is to weed out the weak.
Yes, so weird how we worship at the altar of speed.
This occurs with greater frequency in the hard sciences, of course, where they believe one of their jobs is to weed out the weak.
I am probably not the first to say it, but I call this “academic Darwinism.”
Yeah, that’s perfect. “Academic Darwinism.”
We did an online DEI training thing last year and the moderators suggested that the “weeding out” that happens in bio and chem classes is really just gatekeeping. They’re not weeding out the kids who aren’t smart or capable enough to be doctors. They’re just reproducing existing inequalities along lines of gender, social class, race and ability.
Too many people had their cameras off, but I wish I could have seen the faces of some of our faculty. I wonder if that penetrated at all into their thinking about what they do and how they teach.
Oof. I felt an ache in my chest as I read your inner monologue. You don't deserve to be treated like that! Nobody does! But my inner monologue is often very similar. May we all start practicing more self-compassion and be able to feel safe with ourselves.
PS I'm sure the cat is disgusted... That you could find something else more important than the cat!
Yes, my inner voice is an asshole. I’m working on it. Trying to see some humor in it when I can hear the weird shit I say to myself. Once I was signing books, like a book I had written, and I was signing it for people who wanted to buy it. Big moment!
My inner voice said, “You have the world’s stupidest signature.” I did laugh out loud at that, it was so out there. And clearly my inner voice trying to take me down a notch or two, lest I actually feel good about something I’ve accomplished.
I enjoyed your essay for its transparency, vulnerability, relatability and excellent writing. Here’s my favorite line: “Yes, you might say, my body keeps the score.” Brilliant on many levels. Thank you.
Thanks so much, Ryan. I meant to share a link on that line, as it’s the title of the amazing book by Bessel van der Kolk, which is about just that—how trauma lives in our bodies.
I appreciated the subtle nod to the book, Robyn. Subtlety is one of my favorite things in life. I assumed you alluded to the fact that millions of us had read it. Anyway, I thought the wording was brilliant.
When I was writing my divorce memoir, over ten years ago now, I had all these thoughts taking up residence in my mind. All of them. Pouncing around like a bunch of unruly puppies at Puppy Bowl. Some of them like to sit in a corner and whine, while others like to grab a squeaker and run loudly while squeaking it over and over again. Yet others like to growl and snarl and snap at each other.
Back then, while writing that memoir, I struggled trying to herd those darn puppies and get them under control. That didn't work so well. So then I just started writing about what each of them was saying and doing, and page after page, they came together into a message. When I finally submitted the last draft for publication I thought that it was some of the absolute best writing I have ever don in my life.
Now, I look back at that book and think...damn...most of this is crap. with a few gems in there.
what it was, was raw, honest, genuine, authentic, and emotionally healing for me. That's what matters. I may never read it again. why would I?
Since then, I've come to find ways to watch the thoughts in my mind like I'm watching Puppy Bowl and choose to enjoy them more than I would the actual football Superbowl game that causes actual injuries.
I love this, Teri. I love how you just decided to go with the chaos. Why not? Taking that as inspiration as I sit down to write this morning.