21 Comments

perception is nine tenths of reality

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True.

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It's definitely a game that you have to play conciously.

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Agreed and aware that the game is sort of rigged, yes?

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Absolutely. Almost the only way to win is to play into the rig.

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You score 100% with me. I worried all thru this diatribe but then smiled at the end. You got this!

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Thanks, Betsey. Glad you were worried about me. Totally okay. Just being honest about all the feelings.

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I read to the end and like Betsy was a bit concerned until the end. I realize this is not the point but I think I am a paid subscriber but I always see the request and don't know under what email I subscribed. Can you tell?

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Thanks, Sandy. I am okay. You are a lovely paid subscriber, with your Madison Vineyards e-mail.

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Thank you for this honesty. It’s helpful for me to read this reflection from someone I see as successful. It helps me remember that if you feel this way and it’s obviously not true, then my thoughts are also not true.

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Thanks, Katherine, and exactly why I wanted to write this post, because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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Oh how I relate. None of it is deserved or earned. I can tell you that getting that email that said hey, you have 1000 free subs felt more weird than anything. (It hasn’t translated into payed subs for instance. It hasn’t changed any of the challenges in my life.) but I do apologize if noting it caused distress because of course I wouldn’t want that. And I get it completely.

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Your newsletter is amazing (check it out--https://karendavis.substack.com/) and of course 1,000 people want gorgeous pictures of cedar waxwings in their inbox! Who wouldn't? But definitely not your post that inspired this one, because the truth is, feeling like you're losing has very little to do with external circumstances and everything to do with what's going on inside my head at the moment. Also, I hope you find space to feel a little happy and proud of your 1,000-subscriber-mark.

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You have one more subscriber now 😊 I can identify with a LOT of this - I came over to Substack a few months ago and alongside loving it I am getting a teensy bit addicted to all the stats... Yesterday I wrote a post I was pretty pleased with, and promptly lost 3 subscribers... Hehe. A message from the Universe to remind me to refocus on the important stuff - enjoying the writing, enjoying the making of offerings, enjoying the connections that come along. And also, it's good to remember I'm not alone! Good to meet you & I look forward to reading more 🙏🏻PS I love Rohr so much...

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What is it about us as humans that makes us so deeply addicted to checking the stats and the numbers? I did this way back in the day when I had a blog and now trying not to go back there with the newsletter but it is HARD! I did, for the sake of my own sanity, turn off the notifications for when people unsubscribe. Do not need that energy in my inbox. I read another Substacker talking about seeing her newsletter as a lab--a place to experiment with her writing. I try to go with that. Sometimes I succeed. Thanks for subscribing and commenting! And yes, just listening to Richard Rohr in an interview makes me so happy!

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Oh! I didn’t know you could turn the unsubscribe notifications off - doing that right now!

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Yes! Somehow mine were never turned on which is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

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Thanks Robyn for sharing your thoughts!

I have been writing my newsletter for two and a half years now, and I still have less than 1k subscribers. One way I think about "success" as a newsletter writer: I'm living more in line with my values because taking the time to share my thoughts with others in writing on a regular basis means I remember more easily what matters to me.

It feels as though you have succeeded in a similar way, reminding yourself to take a deep breath and enjoy what you enjoy: writing (for its own sake).

Wishing you continued success on your terms!

Here in solidarity (and not in competition),

Jeffrey

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That's perfectly said, Jeffrey. Writing as a way to remind myself what's important...and what's not. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

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I try remembering that everyone feels like this, even those that seems like they have everything figured out. Deep inside, we all feel like frauds. Everyone feels (at least at some point) like children that just found out they are adults now, and have to suddenly figure out how to work and do taxes.

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This is so true. I remember Ezra Klein interviewing, I think, Tressie McMillan Cottom, both of them talking about how 'scaling up' doesn't really change anything or make anyone happier. I know this from very successful writers who talk about all the rejection they still face. I know all of this. Hard to internalize sometimes. And, yes, is there anything that makes you feel more like a fraud than trying to do your taxes? It's feels like it's what their whole purpose is!

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